Moments of insanity

I have had to wrestle with my conscience on many occasions with how my son is behaving and I've had to do some soul searching, in order to put my own issues to the side and find out what the hell is making this kid tick. I am constantly pulled into the middle of disputes between him and his mother, and I find both of them more aggravating now then when we all lived together. She consistently calls me to do damage control in reference to his behavior. Since I don't live with them, it's very difficult for me to be as effective as I could be if he lived with me. The most recent episode occurred last night, with her calling me hysterical saying that my son just cut himself with a knife, and that I need to do something. In between her screaming and crying, which I hear more often than not, alarms went off in my head thinking my worst fears have now become my reality.

When moments like this occur, which can potentially lead to tragedy, we often want to recapture those lost moments when we could have done something to prevent this from happening. All I could think about at this moment was if my son was still alive and if he's really hurt then why didn't she rush him to the hospital or at least call the ambulance! For a few brief moments in time I felt completely helpless, which frustrated me even more. I insisted that she put my son on the phone so I could find out what was going on over there and why once again was he bringing more drama into our lives. One thing I want to make clear is the my son's answer for everything that he does, good bad or indifferent is "I dunno". These are probably 2 of the most aggravating words that a child could ever say to a parent after they've screwed it up again. However frustrating it may be, at some point cooler heads must prevail and instead of yelling at him and making the situation worse, I maintained my calm and asked him what was wrong, something that his mother doesn't have the time or patience for. His biggest issue is that his mother may hear what he says but she never listens to him, simplicity in a nutshell and something so easily resolved!

I explained to my son what his mom was dealing with as far as having a moron for a husband and a 2 year old to contend with as well, he may never get the full and complete attention that he needs from her because of what she's dealing with but I'm always here and he can call me whenever he needs me. I've had flashes in my mind of my son attempting suicide or doing something really drastic to himself because of his need for attention or to just simply be heard and as a concerned parent I'm willing to do whatever I have to, to prevent this from happening. My parents had often told me that all the hell I put them through while I was growing up would come back on me ten fold if I ever had a son. I would laugh it off and just say "whatever", but now I know what they mean and it scares me to think what else may lie ahead.