The Dead Man's Stare

I've spent countless hours trying to figure out what the hell makes my son tick. How is it that I can have some of the best relationships with kids other than my own and not have a clue on how to handle his insane behavior. Sometimes when I ask him questions in regards to some of the crap he's done, I get this look that absolutely floors me called the "dead man's stare". This look haunts me in my sleep and dogs me every time I think about it. I've never seen a kid so emotionally detached from his actions as if he's having an out of body experience and it's really not him that's being held accountable for what he's done. My head is spinning over the whereabouts of my jewelry and dammit, why the heck he did this to me!

I'm not crying victim here and despite how you may read me, I'm definitely no Bill Cosby and honestly I doubt if a persona like that ever existed in real life. How would he have handled the dead man's stare or my son's actions in general? Would he have been as frustrated and clueless as I am or would he have resolved these issues within the 30 minutes of show time? How do I get through the pain and anger I feel from trying to get through to my son and get him to understand that my heart is breaking over his behavior and that it's hurting me and jeopardizing the foundation of our relationship? How is it that you can raise your kid with all the love and kindness that you have in your heart and they still turn on you?

I may not have been the best father and certainly not the most attentive, but I was always there for him. His mom and I fought relentlessly and some of the things he's seen in reference to our battles have probably contributed to his demeanor, and as a result of seeing so many fights so often, it's like a part of him inside has died. It saddens me to think of the damage his mom and I may have done to him as a result of our selfish and self centered ways and at some point we can only blame ourselves and ask God for forgiveness, because as parents we were clearly a worst case scenario. My son has no remorse for his actions, no regard for the damage he inflicts on the people around him. Am I raising a potential felon, or a kid that may one day try to physically fight me, and while he's whipping my ass give me the dead man's stare? Time is often the cruelest teacher of all and we shall see.